and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
