also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
