Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
