i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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