My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
