I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
