I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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