Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
