I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
