i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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