dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
