Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
