Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
