I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
