So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
