I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
