I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
