she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
