Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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