A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
