I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
