Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You brought string cheese to the strip club
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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