Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
