Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize