he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
