Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
