oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
