one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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