i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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