everyone is single if you try hard enough
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
