Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
