Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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