I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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