1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
