ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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