You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
