If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
