Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
