i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
