my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
