take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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