yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
