if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
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