yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
