the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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