So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
