Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
