I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
