I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
