Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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