either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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