just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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