If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
