these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize