its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize
