ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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