if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
