if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
These tits shall not be calmed
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
