I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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