Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
