So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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