do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I intend to get homeless drunk
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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