And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
