We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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