Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
