it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
