It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
