I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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