you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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