No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
