Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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