WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
