dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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