a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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