i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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