I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
