Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize