we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
