I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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