I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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