WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize