Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
