Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
