I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
