She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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