We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
