Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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