you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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