hell yes lets make some ravioli
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
