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True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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