I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
