Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
where am i from again
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
