Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
