I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
