I will die if light touches me.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
