Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
