The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
