Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
