If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
operation have a gay friend backfired
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
