Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
