Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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