I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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