Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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