I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i love accidental penises.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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