Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
