Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize