What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
