I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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