I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
