I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize